basics

I spoke with a friend tonight about how much food is available to us everywhere we go. Anywhere you look, there's food. I was thinking about that and I thought, I really wish I didn't have all of that available to me. Even in my own house. It promotes being unhealthy and it's nothing less than super tempting because for me personally, eating is the best time of the day. Who doesn't LOVE scarfing down a huge deliciously greasy burger? (aside from vegetarians/vegans)

I really would like to bring myself back to the basics. And just eat 3 times a day, small meals just to keep my body healthy. Nothing more. But this is a HUGE feat because there is stockpiles of crappy food in my house that are readily available. If only we were in some futuristic land where your fridge wouldn't let you eat more than your body actually needs. Maybe a fridge to call you fat and tell you to go run around the block before it gives you an ice cream. Or maybe I just need to work up the drive to not let myself eat unless it's breakfast, lunch or dinner. Hard stuff.

I read about a sort of training for your body called MovNat. Where everything you do is based on natural movement and training your body for real life situations. ie. saving someone from a burning building, fleeing from danger, defense from danger. Basically making the world your gym instead of using any gym equipment at all. Rocks instead of weights, tree branches instead of pull-up bars, that sort of stuff. I really want to get into it, the sad thing is lack of motivation, and the fact that I don't know where to go where I can spend my time doing all of this.

I really need to get the ball rolling with all these plans I keep making and breaking. I have nothing to do, no school, no work. Nothing. For at least a few months. I should totally be getting out in the world and doing as much as possible before I'm locked back in to the system. Once again, lack of motivation shuts me down. I need to work past this.

Yet another rant. :-)

Have an awesome day everyone.
...or night. cuz it's 1:25 am.

hasta la windows vista (wow that was horribly lame)

trust

Trust is both emotional and logical. Emotional because you're opening yourself up to someone while believing they won't take advantage of anything you're telling or showing them. Logical because you have to make the decision based on this person's personality of whether or not you can confide in them.

I've had major trust problems in the past and present still. I really need to work on them. These issues are still creating problems in my life and I just want out of it. There's way too much frustration, anger, and sadness coming from the problems i created. Which in turn does more damage because I get angry trying to fix things and end up further throwing life down the tube.

Blogs are about getting feelings out right? Well since I just created this blogaroni, I had, and probly will still have, lots of stuff to say. So don't judge me!!!

On the brighter side since I'm not a total depressed old man that sits at home and cries all day (that's only on tuesdays).....
I had a really chill day today. I hope everyone reading this did too. I'm really thankful for my friends and family for keeping me together over the years. I'm thankful for waking up every morning, even though I'm lazy and generally ignore every bit of my alarm clock's efforts to get me out of bed to wash my dirty mug. I'm just thankful for my life. Even if I don't always deserve what i have, and even when i get what i deserve for being undeserving. (hope that made sense)

That's it for this time.

Have an awesome night everyone.

Bustin it out

Alright there's a bunch of stuff I have to let loose. I'm not that good with opening up to my friends and letting them know what's going on because I've grown to be afraid of being judged. Ridiculous.

In my past, being anything but sober was the best getaway for me. I made alot of friends this way. They supported it so I had no problem with it. But I was taking someone close to me for granted and throwing away pretty much the best friendship ever to be a part of my life. Not good. Even though alot of the time I didn't pay much attention to it or put anything towards making it better, losing that friendship was going to send me even further past my party stage to keep the thought of pain out of my head.

I decided to stop doing the stuff i've done because I want a better life. Where I can be happy without having to have something in my body to create the happiness. I'm tired of being disrespectful and not caring about anyone. I started hanging out with different people because they are great people and an awesome influence on how I'd like to be as a person. I've been an asshole pretty much since high school. Sure it's fun and I don't have to care about anything but myself, how easy is that? DGAF is the EASIEST concept to live your life by. I'd rather work my ass off and be a better person and make something awesome from that than stay the way I've been and not go anywhere in life.

I know everyone who's been in my past is going to question everything I'm saying and doing. And they're going to be against it. I'm not replacing anybody, I'm moving forward and if they don't want to agree with that or support that, they can stay behind. Losing friends sucks ass, but they aren't friends if they don't support you.

Willkommen! This should be fun.

SO!

In addition to MySpace and Facebook, I've decided to make myself a blog. Not that I'm going with fashion, but Myspace is only used for people that i barely talk to to contact me, Facebook is fun but not fun enough. I think a blog is in a different category though. I can actually speak my mind and talk about my day and stuff here in an unlimited writing space. Well, limited to however much anybody wants to read.

Anyways, I'm goin to Subway with justine. Heck yeah!

I'll be back later to further intensify my blogness.

auf wiedersehen!!