over it.

Alright, i'm getting bigger. I stopped P90x after a week because i was "busy". I've fallen out of the loop. I'm tired after not doing much. I absolutely can't run for more than 1 block without turning beet red and breathing too hard. I want out. I want to be active, healthy, and strong.

Starting on monday, i'm gonna start P90x. For real. Hardcore diet and everything. Everyday I'm gonna post a blog about my workout and how everything's going.(not saying you, whoever is reading this, should read it everyday. It'll just help me stay on track) And every 30 days i'll post improvements on my base numbers for pullups, pushups, and stuff to that effect. Let's hope this works out. I'm over the way I look and how I feel.

blessed.

So, I've been neglecting my poor little blog for a long long time. I made

excuses like not having anything to write about. Or not wanting to take the

time to write something out. cool i know.

Good news is, there's alot to write about. Alot of good news. :-) fun.

So I haven't found a job as a mechanic or anything to do with cars yet. But

I've been blessed with a friend named Nate. He got me a job hangin drape.

Don't say a thing, it's awesome. I enjoy working with the people there, it's

fun because I get to go places and see things I don't normally see. I get to

be behind the scenes of events. I get to sneak into the LA Convention

Center at 5 am when just creepy cleaning people are there. Best of all, I

get to work with people that really talk to you and don't just care about

when they get to go home. I'm having a blast working there. Given it's not

40 hrs a week guaranteed but this is really a blessing to have. I have debts

to pay off.

I had an interview at Tustin lexus today which went really well. hopefully

that comes through. pretty chill.

on to the BEST news of all.

So i'm officially dating the girl i've loved for a very long time. It's fantastic. i

couldn't ask for more. I'm so effin excited to see what's in store and how

our lives will pan out. I know it'll be awesome though. I love Justine so

much. and i'm not just saying this because she's gonna read this. :-)

So basically my life is going quite well. I can't wait for whatever the future

has to offer. Life is great.

it's been a while

I'm back, not from outer space, and i didn't just walk in here to find you with that sad look upon your face......so i'm gonna stop quoting Gloria. I'm lame.


So,

I got a job. I work 40 hours a week 730-4 monday - friday at a place called Hycor Biomedical. It's been really chill for my first week and a half, the first check was great even though it was only for 3 days of work. I can't wait to get have a bank account again FINALLY. Now I can save. and save. and save. and spend a tiny bit in the process of SAVING! This job is a little wearing, but it works, it's money, and I need money bad. Moving on.

Taking this job along with going to school full time is gonna screw with my head a little bit and I'm so anxious and scared that I just wish I could totally avoid the entire situation. And basically, school and work together means, Monday thru Thursday, the only time I will be at home is when I'm sleeping. Fridays will just be work. I'm gonna do my best to get through it. This is going to take more strength than I've put out in a long long time, maybe even ever.

Another thing added to the list when school starts, I can't go to vision. Which also means I can't play guitar at vision. Both very upsetting because that is like the BEST part of the week for me. Not sure how i'm gonna cope with all of this but it's tearing me up inside thinking about it.

On the other side of the fence,
My friendships with the people in my life are growing so fast, it's like a wildfire. I love it. I feel really complete with the friends I have and I really hope working and going to school so much doesn't mess that up because it means so much to me.

My room, in my opinion, actually feels like a room now. Before it was merely a dresser with a crappy tv and a matress on the floor. Now, I actually have a desk, a nightstand, a bookcase (if only i could read), and yeah still have the 19th century 500lb dresser and the wood paneled tv circa 1987. It feels really like home now. Which i think is a trait it was lacking for a long time. I'm not happy because of materialism and now i have all this new stuff....it's just that before this, my room kinda felt like something out of 1984 by George Orwell.

To sum all of this rambling up,


My life has been uplifted by great friends and having the opportunity to work again. But it really feels like the 2 may conflict and I'm really lost on what to do with the situation.

I'm finna pray on it.



"Ask not what tomorrow may bring,
but count as blessing every day that Fate allows you."

revolution

long time no see....whoever is reading this. :-)

It's been a while so this is yet another sorta long rant. Yet again about how I want to better myself. I kinda do this alot because, well, it's tough. Going from good to bad is as easy as one little decision. But I think going from bad to good is harder because it requires tons of good decisions to overpower temptation. I keep praying that I can get through it though. I absolutely loathe quitting. It's almost not an option.

So, lately I've been playing the Sims 3 alot with Andrew and Cory. (i didn't play today though; progress? i hope so) I realized while playing, my ' SimSelf ' gets more done in one day than I do in a week! What kind of life am I living? I always talk about how I long to have a great job that I love and I want to be self sufficient and prove that I can live life on my own without going back to my old ways. And yet I spend 1-5 hours a day on this stupid game...making my digitally produced self BETTER!!! I'll ask again, What kind of life am I living??

I've been a big fan of zenhabits.net for a few months now. It's an awesome blog to read. Anyways, i was reading the latest entry on it tonight and it was talking about the solutions for feeling "stuck" in life. Now I don't necessarily feel stuck, because I know it just takes some hard work and I'll be right out of the hole I'm in. But it taught me a little bit about 'giving up'.

This doesn't mean what the general meaning might seem like. It wasn't about giving up and just taking an "f' it" approach to life. It was about giving up caring about all the little unimportant things in life and actually focusing on what's important. I'll name a few to give some examples of what I'm trying to explain. (the bold ones are the one's that really stood out for me)

• Give up achieving ego-driven goals
• Give up caring about owning a lot of cool things, which keep you distracted from acknowledging that you don’t like what you’re doing with your life
• Give up needing a reason to share your love. Being alive is reason enough.

• Give up trying to have a flawless body, perfect face, or an impeccable wardrobe. Care more about beautifying your mind and being a person who takes beautiful actions.

The last two were totally awesome to read. It changed my thought process quite a bit. I really would like to change my life now. Really. And I want to be done with laziness. I am almost 20 ( yeah i'm a youngin ) and I need to start being responsible, dependable, and have the right mindset. I'm a work in progress. But I'm gonna be praying that I don't get distracted or led astray. I've said "i'm gonna do this, i'm gonna be better" way too many times and not put the amount of effort, that I know I have, into my goal.

It's time to change.


If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading. I appreciate you taking the time to read about my life and stuff.

Have an awesome week everyone. I'll post up soon.

Hopefully announcing progress.

smells like teen spirit

alright first off the title has nothing to do with this blog. i'm just jammin out to Nirvana and couldn't think of a title. :-)

So,

Going to cypress affords me many connections, ie. being a Toyota employee (not paid of course), having access to their database of information on every car/truck they've made (Toyota, scion, or Lexus) , and a faster means of attaining a job at a Toyota, Scion, or Lexus dealer as a mechanic. This semester a friend of mine took 3 of 8 of his certification tests, passed them, and within 48 hours he had an interview at Lexus of Westminster. This got me pretty excited that I'd be in a similar situation myself once I took my tests. Well, I took them. I passed 2 of 3, and i'll be retaking the third one next month.

I e-mailed the Toyota director at my school and he told me there are no job openings right now. Bummer. So now, after 4-6 months of thinking my long awaited career is going to begin this summer, I have to go find yet another temporary job until I can find an opening somewhere. I've been jobless since January. Thankfully my mom has the heart to support me. But I'm getting tired of it. I want so badly to be self sufficient. And to use my own money instead of asking for it from my mom.

So now that we got that covered. I am gonna go on a big diet plan that I've been putting off for a while. I'm gonna try and lose around 20 pounds, it's not alot but it's a start. Hopefully i can do it by the end of the summer. I'm hoping I can get a new bike for my birthday so I can decommission the explorer hopefully for a good portion of my commutes to friends houses and stuff like that. As for now i'm gonna stick with eating right and exercising like 3-4 times a week. Wish me luck.

Have an awesome day peoples.

what lies ahead

The title of this made me laugh because Out of Focus had a song with the same name. Anyone who reads this and remembers OOF should feel free to laugh :-) I did.

Anyways,
So i've been thinking of the future alot lately. Within a week I should be receiving my ASE test results on whether or not i passed my certification tests. Nervous as heck about that. It pretty much determines my elegibility for a job whereever i choose to apply. aka everywhere related to toyota/lexus within 30-40 miles of here. I'm still confident of my scores though so it's all good.

Sometime during summer break, me and justine are driving to colorado to look at schools for her. And jobs, apartments for me. I don't plan on moving there asap, I want to work here and save for at least a year before i make that jump. But i've decided colorado is my destination. I'm tired of the orange county lifestyle. (even though i will never ever be happy about moving away from the beach) My big stress about moving is what kind of jobs and salaries will be available to me over there. This is why we're making the trip over there. I obviously won't be making as much, but living there is a fraction of the prices here (in most places). But think about it, everyone needs a mechanic. Don't they?

What the future holds excites me. I'm almost 20 and I cannot wait to be independant and living on my own. Basically I can't wait to be making my own money again haha but I would really like to be self sustaining as soon as i can make that leap of faith.

Have an awesome afternoon everyone.

-Ricky

just today

Hello all,

today i got up real early (845) to help, more like watch, "led to victory" take band pics. It was pretty fun. I missed hanging out with these guys so much. It was rad. I miss being in a band really bad. I'm considering making some solo stuff and putting it out there for fun. Most likely just acoustic stuff. The only problem I've had is writing lyrics, it's been so long since I used to do that so i've lost what little talent i had in doing so. I guess we'll see what happens. I just need some new inspiration.

If anyone has any suggestions on some great acoustic music, aside from Jack Johnson, John Mayer, or Dave Matthews, that'd be awesome. I need some more influences. :-)

Have a great day everybody!

-rickity jay malmsteen

basics

I spoke with a friend tonight about how much food is available to us everywhere we go. Anywhere you look, there's food. I was thinking about that and I thought, I really wish I didn't have all of that available to me. Even in my own house. It promotes being unhealthy and it's nothing less than super tempting because for me personally, eating is the best time of the day. Who doesn't LOVE scarfing down a huge deliciously greasy burger? (aside from vegetarians/vegans)

I really would like to bring myself back to the basics. And just eat 3 times a day, small meals just to keep my body healthy. Nothing more. But this is a HUGE feat because there is stockpiles of crappy food in my house that are readily available. If only we were in some futuristic land where your fridge wouldn't let you eat more than your body actually needs. Maybe a fridge to call you fat and tell you to go run around the block before it gives you an ice cream. Or maybe I just need to work up the drive to not let myself eat unless it's breakfast, lunch or dinner. Hard stuff.

I read about a sort of training for your body called MovNat. Where everything you do is based on natural movement and training your body for real life situations. ie. saving someone from a burning building, fleeing from danger, defense from danger. Basically making the world your gym instead of using any gym equipment at all. Rocks instead of weights, tree branches instead of pull-up bars, that sort of stuff. I really want to get into it, the sad thing is lack of motivation, and the fact that I don't know where to go where I can spend my time doing all of this.

I really need to get the ball rolling with all these plans I keep making and breaking. I have nothing to do, no school, no work. Nothing. For at least a few months. I should totally be getting out in the world and doing as much as possible before I'm locked back in to the system. Once again, lack of motivation shuts me down. I need to work past this.

Yet another rant. :-)

Have an awesome day everyone.
...or night. cuz it's 1:25 am.

hasta la windows vista (wow that was horribly lame)

trust

Trust is both emotional and logical. Emotional because you're opening yourself up to someone while believing they won't take advantage of anything you're telling or showing them. Logical because you have to make the decision based on this person's personality of whether or not you can confide in them.

I've had major trust problems in the past and present still. I really need to work on them. These issues are still creating problems in my life and I just want out of it. There's way too much frustration, anger, and sadness coming from the problems i created. Which in turn does more damage because I get angry trying to fix things and end up further throwing life down the tube.

Blogs are about getting feelings out right? Well since I just created this blogaroni, I had, and probly will still have, lots of stuff to say. So don't judge me!!!

On the brighter side since I'm not a total depressed old man that sits at home and cries all day (that's only on tuesdays).....
I had a really chill day today. I hope everyone reading this did too. I'm really thankful for my friends and family for keeping me together over the years. I'm thankful for waking up every morning, even though I'm lazy and generally ignore every bit of my alarm clock's efforts to get me out of bed to wash my dirty mug. I'm just thankful for my life. Even if I don't always deserve what i have, and even when i get what i deserve for being undeserving. (hope that made sense)

That's it for this time.

Have an awesome night everyone.

Bustin it out

Alright there's a bunch of stuff I have to let loose. I'm not that good with opening up to my friends and letting them know what's going on because I've grown to be afraid of being judged. Ridiculous.

In my past, being anything but sober was the best getaway for me. I made alot of friends this way. They supported it so I had no problem with it. But I was taking someone close to me for granted and throwing away pretty much the best friendship ever to be a part of my life. Not good. Even though alot of the time I didn't pay much attention to it or put anything towards making it better, losing that friendship was going to send me even further past my party stage to keep the thought of pain out of my head.

I decided to stop doing the stuff i've done because I want a better life. Where I can be happy without having to have something in my body to create the happiness. I'm tired of being disrespectful and not caring about anyone. I started hanging out with different people because they are great people and an awesome influence on how I'd like to be as a person. I've been an asshole pretty much since high school. Sure it's fun and I don't have to care about anything but myself, how easy is that? DGAF is the EASIEST concept to live your life by. I'd rather work my ass off and be a better person and make something awesome from that than stay the way I've been and not go anywhere in life.

I know everyone who's been in my past is going to question everything I'm saying and doing. And they're going to be against it. I'm not replacing anybody, I'm moving forward and if they don't want to agree with that or support that, they can stay behind. Losing friends sucks ass, but they aren't friends if they don't support you.

Willkommen! This should be fun.

SO!

In addition to MySpace and Facebook, I've decided to make myself a blog. Not that I'm going with fashion, but Myspace is only used for people that i barely talk to to contact me, Facebook is fun but not fun enough. I think a blog is in a different category though. I can actually speak my mind and talk about my day and stuff here in an unlimited writing space. Well, limited to however much anybody wants to read.

Anyways, I'm goin to Subway with justine. Heck yeah!

I'll be back later to further intensify my blogness.

auf wiedersehen!!